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Family Hotel Rimini - Rimini Hotel - Hotel Bellaria Igea Marina

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The definition of family has evolved and widened embracing new different setting and nuances, without getting far from what family means. Among all families, there are those, where for many reasons there is only one parent.

Of course the reasons that have lead to this, can affect how the single parent feels, and have a strong impact on the strategies used to face everyday life and difficulties.

At the same time, I believe that there’s one strong need which is common to all these families, and I’m talking about the need of balance, of peace from the continuous tension between needing support and discovering those personal resources that help the parent to cope with what comes, even without the partner’s help.

Socially, we’re not used to ask for help. We are deeply convinced that in order to be capable, efficient, we must prove to be able to deal with every difficulty on our own, that being independent means that we don’t need no one but ourselves.

Nonetheless, we are social animals, we’re not supposed to live alone and isolated (especially parents, they are not supposed to carry on their own their burden). Moreover, being focused on being an efficient parent, can be quite misleading. Our children need presence and awareness, not figures and deadlines.

Let’s consider a parent who has been through divorce. These stories, so personal, sometimes, so complex and painful, can be surrounded by opinion and judgments which can make feel the parent wrong and inadequate at the idea of asking for help. What if I’ve done all wrong? How can I ask for support? What if I’m a horrible parent? I don’t deserve to be helped.

Let’s shift our point of view. We are all unique and different, our feelings are personal, but our needs are universal, characterizing us as human beings, so if a lonely parent feels tired, isolated, desperate, because he/she needs support, community, love; then he/she can ask for help and support. You can give yourself the permission to ask. This doesn’t make you less as a parent, but more aware of your and your family needs, more open to an improvement of your situation.

It’s true that we would love to get help and support from our own family and close friends, but it’s also true that this is not always possible. So give yourself permission to benefit from external resources such as baby sitters, sport, schools, activity groups, holidays (there are more and more hotels and resorts providing all sorts of activities and services to give parents some fresh air) and nurturing our need of beauty. Every strategy that avoids the chance of consuming ourselves, serves life and helps us being a more present, calm and peaceful parents.

About the need to feel light and amused, which can be satisfied, even after a divorce, thanks to a nice holiday, Katia, The BluSuite Hotel Director has shared her precious experience: it's important to enjoy the chance to get lost in the pleasure of holiday. You may decide to visit again places you have already visited, you may alternate with other parent, going to the same hotel, in order to maintain the children's routine. You may organize yourself together with other family or friends you already know, and benefit from an easy and organized resort, with venues and activities great for both parents and children, so to enjoy real moments of peace and fun. In Katia's experience, there are a lot of families coming to the BluSuite where mother and father alternate year after year, or mothers coming with friends and children, to spend time together, or fathers coming with their kids because they know that they can trust the familiy hotel for its careful assistance and activities.

Let’s now talk about the other big side of the tension lived by the single parent, which is discovering new personal resources.

It’s more than human that a person who has to live the experience of parenthood alone can feel overwhelmed, lonely and desperate. The choking sensation of failure is always on our side. At the same time, when you know that you can only count on yourself, the most surprising resources can come to surface like arrows to your bow. It’s the condition of necessity in itself giving us the opportunity to find new and creative solutions to problems. In other words if I know that I can count on no one but me, without being doubtful of my trust on someone else, I can always trust myself.

Of course it’s stressing, tiring, but it’s here that our abilities can arise, new resources we didn’t even know. Just like super powers, making us strong and present, so different from the first overwhelming feeling.

In the single parent family, the parent can feel stressed, isolated, carrying a very heavy burden on the back. Hard to carry alone, even when there’s no other way, even hard to share if we don’t give ourselves permission to ask for support and accept it.

The point is: I’m able to carry this heavy like a thousand worlds burden on my own. This does not mean I always have to carry it on my own.